The Land Before CrossFit

"The Land Before CrossFit" by Lisbeth Darsh. . .

Imagine we had to go back. Back to the Land Before CrossFit. Before wall-ball and thrusters and burning lung metcons like Fran and Helen. Back to a place without our friend Pukie or Uncle Rhabdo or the legendary Nasty Girls. To a time when the only language spoken was "Is it Legs or Chest day?" Back before we realized there was a madman in the tower, dreaming up workouts that combined both, and, in the ultimate piece of twisted depravity, adding a stopwatch to the whole mix. Back before we knew the madman's name was Greg Glassman.

Can you still remember those times? Can you recall accepting inane garbage fed to us by supposed "experts" who said that if we squatted deeper than parallel, our knees would explode, our reproductive organs would fail, and the breweries would stop making beer? (Oh, all right, they never said all of that but you get the point.)

It was all so sterile, so boring, and so futile. On those upper-body and lower-body and separate cardio days, we built some pretty muscles but we never really used them. Or, when we did, like when we toted a heavy bag of sand at Home Depot, or lifted an overloaded suitcase off the airport luggage carousel, we often injured ourselves, because pampered pretty muscles are like the Ice Queen at the Prom: she looks great but you can't really take her home and **** her. Better you should have some real muscles to do real work. Power units that will, quite simply, help you to lift heavy stuff off the ground. Functional muscles for a functional life. Like what you earn in CrossFit.

But also realize, unless you're very lucky, that your friends and loved ones still live in the Land Before CrossFit. They still toil away on ellipticals and "butt-blasters" and horrible weight machines because they have been told, "This is the way." And they still believe it, even though it takes them nowhere. They are like newborn baby birds, sitting in the nest, their beaks open but their eyes still covered, waiting and crying for someone to feed them. But they still don't see. They hear the rumblings of CrossFit in the distance, but they don't understand yet. The noise, to them, is perhaps the shifting of some seismic plates. They do not understand that those are the footsteps of thousands of CrossFitters, pounding across the arid desert of bullsh** "fitness", sprinting past the lies and the half-truths, coming to throw open the gates and set them free.

So, what to do? Tell the baby birds. Better yet, show them. Live the CrossFit life. Be a walking testament to the power of the properly executed below-parallel squat, Olympic lifting, and metcon. Shock them by doing heavy deadlifts with good form, without breaking your back or having your uterus drop out on the floor. Become a living, breathing example of the results the naysayers only promise to deliver. And then wait . . .

There is a line in the Tao Te Ching that reads, "Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity."

So, do your work: CrossFit. Then step back. Eyes will open and the baby birds will see. Let's just hope they don't fall out of the nest and break their necks before they even get to wall-ball.

(Text by Lisbeth Darsh. Special thanks to Allison Bojarskion of CF NYC for the inspiration behind The Land Before CrossFit.)

"CrossFit Total"

Back squat, 1 rep
Shoulder Press, 1 rep
Deadlift, 1 rep

Post total to comments.

**Don't forget Midnight Madness 5K and 10K is tonight... it's not too late to register!

Peg and Becky fighting for the lead during yesterday's "Fight on Friday"... neither one thought they were competitive... until they heard the words "3-2-1-GO!" 

 

Joe working up a good sweat and wishing the punching bag was me :) Everyone hit huge PR's on this WOD yesterday!

Comments

[Tim - CFAmes]

So the next time I visit Benson, I think I'm going to join their gym's "Guts and Butts" class. That will get me in shape, right?

[Sara]

Well I lost 20 points on my CFT today due to Leigh Ann being a stickler on the back squat depth (I know, you're just doing your job :))...but made it up and then some on the deadlift. Max on each was 95(BS), 60(SP), and 205(DL) for a total of 360. I was really discouraged about my squats so I've done a little research on some bodybuilding sites and have found out that I have the "classic deadlifters build" with long legs and long arms. Unfortunately people with this build are pretty limited on squats, benches, and presses (because our limbs have to travel further??) Apparently long legs and a short trunk cause people to lean forward more, so to get a deeper squat, it is recommended to do the front squat.

A couple quotes: "people who have trouble doing squats are those who have very long legs and short torsos. They will have a hard time being successful with this movement due to poor biomechanics" and "the stubby guys thrive on any type of squat where as those who have either long legs or long torsos will be more limited in their squats and the kind of back squats which they will thrive upon".

So I'm not sure whether to feel pitiful because the chances of ever getting great back squats are slim to none or vindicated because at least I have a justifiable reason for back squat failure!

Leigh Ann, one site mentioned that I could try elevating my heels to see if that helps. Maybe we could try that next time?

[Angie]

Just FYI: We have a few clients who are blessed w/ height and squatting to the med/dynamax ball is extremely hard. I'm assuming you know this already but you only have to break parallel on the squat (hips below patella). Some of our clients will put a 45# or 25# plate under the ball so that they are achieving the right ROM for their body height...this still counts As Rx'd.

[Leigh Ann]

Sara,
Good job doing some research! You definitely have further to travel and that does make the squats difficult! I am one of the lucky "stubby guys" in that regard :)

In regards to the elevating of the heels... since we're training for real life we're getting as strong as we can with the bodies we were given and want to be able to replicate something in the real life where we don't have gloves, don't have lifting belts and don't have heel lifts. Therefore, I wouldn't recommend using any of the above for training purposes. We recommend that if you can't do it the right way without those items you should not be doing that much weight. You are doing a great job and will only get better and better! You rocked on the deadlifts and your squats will continue to improve with training!

Angie, thanks for the tip... I remember you suggesting the plates under the ball when you came to visit and we did allow Sara to put a plate under the ball.

[Sara]

Makes sense, Leigh Ann...I'll quit whining now and keep working at it :)